Friday, May 25, 2012

A Mild Correction Of Something I Saw On Facebook: It Doesn't Mean What You Meant When You Posted It

This is a list of ThInGs ThAt ArE nOt ClEvEr. Let's start with capitalizing every other letter. Kittie did it when I was in high school. It has not been cool since, and it will never be cool again, no matter how hard you do it.

That being said, we shall move on.

There are a lot of cute little sayings being pirated and made into personal Facebook badges out there. Most of these are inspirational in context, but when placed next to a picture and a person, they take a new form. Observe.

"Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore." *Deuces fingers, duck face, alcohol and drunk cats clearly visible in the background.*

So what are you doing in that photo, whorebops? Checking for lost mail? You know, if you're going to make this proclamation, do make sure it's true. Or better yet, rather than using a viral photo to discuss your aversion to the past, you might consider actually separating yourself from it.

Also, the definition of leading a full life is misinterpreted on here.


"Life is not a journey to the grave
With the intention of
Arriving safely in a pretty
And well preserved body,
But rather to skid in broadside,
Thoroughly used up,
Totally worn out,
And loudly proclaiming,
WOW !!!! What a ride!"

Granted, this is the 1897 edition. You can tell because it says "broadside" rather than "sideways," but the sentiment is the same. I agree with this statement. Saying this, allow me to tell you what this statement does NOT mean.

To skid into the grave sideways does NOT mean to leave a trail of mangled dead bodies and boiling vomit herpes in your wake. It does not mean that you fill the internet with videos of you banging yourself with a 2x4 and then wonder why no one wants to date you. It does not mean you get so blasted that you don't remember destroying shit at other people's houses. Living your life like a Ke$ha song is NOT skidding into the grave sideways.

I wish I had more of these to share, but I don't care enough to waste more words fighting the collective ignorance of humanity. I would rather just have netflix.

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