Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Why Sexuality Isn't A Choice (This Will Be Short)

I see a lot of people squawking about whether or not sexual preference is a choice, and I'm sad to say that a lot of people on both sides are doing a lot of the kind of red-faced yelling that changes nothing. I'm sure everyone knows by now what side of this particular argument I'm on, but since this is the United States and we just can't go about anything civilly, peacefully or intelligently the way people do in the UK or Canada or just about anywhere else on the planet, I'll present what I hope is a solid argument based on my own experience.

I've always liked men. Boys at an early age, then slowly men as I figured out what sexuality actually was. I remember being as young as four and liking boys. I'm sure if I could remember before that, I'd remember liking boys then. There is no big crossroads in one's life when one says "I need to decide whether I want to go my whole life being gay, straight, bi or whatever because that's what society wants me to do." No, no one says "I'm going to be straight." None of you straight assholes claiming sexuality is a choice decided one day to be straight. It wasn't a hard choice between sucking dick and munching boobs, was it? No? You didn't think "Hmm… dicks are tempting, but I'm gonna stick with vagina." Gay men didn't think "God I love boobs, but liking dicks is going to make me a lot more popular in the long run, especially with republicans."

There is no choice to be made about sexuality at four years old, and if you think there is, maybe you ought to stop playing Naked Moviestar with the neighborhood kids. A four year old does not have a concept of sexuality as adults know it. It's a shame that we as adults figure that people who deviate from the very vague but narrow social norms of a world drenched in shame and self-doubt made a choice to do so. Surely everyone fits into a narrow slot. Everyone. Absolutely everyone. It's a shame that we teach children that certain interactions with certain other children are wrong rather than letting them figure out who they are. It's a shame that we stand there with a shovel, ready to bury them in shame and self-hatred and guilt if they show any sign of being abnormal.

We aren't always entitled to children who grow up to fit a flawed, narrow moral ideal simply because we had it beaten into us that that's how life is. No one is entitled to a life raising a child on easy. Sometimes, you're wrong. Sometimes the way you were raised is bullshit, and to perpetuate it is a pretty legitimate form of abuse. You're the adult, but you can still be wrong. It's up to you to make sure you're not teaching your children to hate themselves. If you teach them to hate themselves, they aren't going to have much capacity to love anyone else, especially you. 

You don't get to wonder why they hate you for all those years of making them feel bad about who they end up with. That's just reciprocity at work. They aren't going to thank you for trying to beat the gay out of them or leaving them to die on the street. They aren't going to understand that Jesus told you to drop them off at the bust station and tell them to sit and spin because you deserve a normal child. No, you get what you deserve if you send your child down that road. You don't get to wonder why they don't visit and why they shove you into an old people home and leave you to die. They're just returning the favor. 

If there is sin, you're the archetype. If there is a hell, you bought your ticket. Burn.