Every year around this time, Indy Pride
takes over my entire circle of friends and sweeps most of them into
Indianapolis for what usually amounts to an ironic hot dog eating
contest colored with vague political leanings. I have already been
asked by 5 people if I'm going.
Again, as always, the answer is no.
The parade itself is a good idea, yes,
should any sense of community or obligation ever cross the minds of
the people dancing about in bikinis with spray-on tan lines.
I will share with you the flaws in the
system that we have.
I will begin with a revelation for
members of my community: we aren't all just gay and straight. It's
not us against them. There are so many different kinds of people that
are excluded by this festival. Most prominently, my friend Millie is
in no way represented. To top that off, even as a represented group,
I feel out of place. I don't have a hot body to show off. I don't
feel comfortable surrounded by a bunch of sweaty mostly-naked guys
who have all met at one time or another on Adam4Adam. I do realize
that this is not all that's there, believe me. I am not stupid. I am
observant, but I do see that this is the majority. People like myself
are not actively represented at pride because we do not belong there.
Pride has become about how hard everyone can put their sexual
orientation as priority one, and that simply does not work in my
case.
I am not just gay. I am a writer first.
And just so you know, putting my writing first is a creative choice
that you don't have to agree with. You don't have to see it as a
viable career or a worthwhile pursuit. You can passive-aggressively
tell me that I'm missing opportunities or just ignore my
accomplishments all you want, be you friends or family or total
strangers.
My life is my life, and I choose not to
throw my gender preference out at my only good card. I don't have to
be a gay writer. Yes, my characters are gay, but I'm not writing for
gays only. My stories are not soft-core porn unless I write them that
way. I don't have to load them with sex scenes to prove that my
characters are gay, or myself for that matter. My gender preference
is sometimes the deciding factor in the gender preference of my main
characters, but that mostly comes from the fact that I have little
experience as a straight person or a bisexual person or a
trans-gendered person or anyone other than a gay man, and even then
only in the functional, occasional sense of the word.
I also don't write many female main
characters, for the same reason. Everyone understands that reasoning,
but I always get questions about why all my main characters are gay.
I've diverted from the topic. Refocus.
The people I see going to pride are
usually shiny dirty gays and gay rights activists who mistakenly
believe that their message is more effective when aimed at the gay
community rather than their oppressors or the people who can do
something about it.
Believe me, protesting unfair treatment
of gays at a gay pride parade is not effective at all. To use a very
old cliché, these people are preaching to the choir. It's like the
members of my dad's church trying to save each other but never
venturing outside the four walls of the church as an active
Christian. (believe me, as an atheist, I would say that's a pretty
fair and balanced comparison.)
I also feel that, as a gay man, I am
expected to treat pride as a big hookup festival, and therefore I do,
which is to say that I refuse to participate.
If you choose to go to pride, that's
your business, and I suppose I support you getting your drink on and
seeing lots of eye candy and eating your ironic hot dogs, but
personally, I think I can make a bigger impact on this world if I
don't assume that the gay card is the only one I have to play.
No, I shan't be going.
You can rail against me with your
rainbow flags and say that I'm bitter and angry, and I'm not about to
disagree with you. I won't go so far as to say you've all made me
this way with your shallow dumping rituals and using me when I was
younger, though that may be partially true. I am above all of that.
What I will say is that I'm not protesting the community. I am
protesting you. I don't dislike the community. I dislike you. After
all, I am part of the community, whether I like it or not. I have my
own corner of it, far from yours, and I would simply prefer not to
step into your sparkly greased up photo booth of rainbow disease.
I'll stay over here with my writing and my iced coffee, and I would
prefer you show me some respect and stop trying to pull me out of it.
I like it here.
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