I see a lot of people squawking about whether or not sexual
preference is a choice, and I'm sad to say that a lot of people on both sides
are doing a lot of the kind of red-faced yelling that changes nothing. I'm sure
everyone knows by now what side of this particular argument I'm on, but since
this is the United States and we just can't go about anything civilly,
peacefully or intelligently the way people do in the UK or Canada or just about
anywhere else on the planet, I'll present what I hope is a solid argument based
on my own experience.
I've always liked men. Boys at an early age, then slowly men
as I figured out what sexuality actually was. I remember being as young as four
and liking boys. I'm sure if I could remember before that, I'd remember liking
boys then. There is no big crossroads in one's life when one says "I need
to decide whether I want to go my whole life being gay, straight, bi or
whatever because that's what society wants me to do." No, no one says
"I'm going to be straight." None of you straight assholes claiming
sexuality is a choice decided one day to be straight. It wasn't a hard choice
between sucking dick and munching boobs, was it? No? You didn't think "Hmm…
dicks are tempting, but I'm gonna stick with vagina." Gay men didn't think
"God I love boobs, but liking dicks is going to make me a lot more popular
in the long run, especially with republicans."
There is no choice to be made about sexuality at four years
old, and if you think there is, maybe you ought to stop playing Naked Moviestar
with the neighborhood kids. A four year old does not have a concept of
sexuality as adults know it. It's a shame that we as adults figure that people
who deviate from the very vague but narrow social norms of a world drenched in
shame and self-doubt made a choice to do so. Surely everyone fits into a narrow
slot. Everyone. Absolutely everyone. It's a shame that we teach children that
certain interactions with certain other children are wrong rather than letting
them figure out who they are. It's a shame that we stand there with a shovel,
ready to bury them in shame and self-hatred and guilt if they show any sign of
being abnormal.
We aren't always entitled to children who grow up to fit a flawed,
narrow moral ideal simply because we had it beaten into us that that's how life is. No one is entitled to a life raising a child on easy.
Sometimes, you're wrong. Sometimes the way you were raised is bullshit, and to perpetuate it is a pretty legitimate form of abuse. You're the adult, but you can still be wrong. It's up
to you to make sure you're not teaching your children to hate themselves. If
you teach them to hate themselves, they aren't going to have much capacity to
love anyone else, especially you.
You don't get to wonder why they hate you for
all those years of making them feel bad about who they end up with. That's just
reciprocity at work. They aren't going to thank you for trying to beat the gay
out of them or leaving them to die on the street. They aren't going to
understand that Jesus told you to drop them off at the bust station and tell
them to sit and spin because you deserve a normal child. No, you get what you
deserve if you send your child down that road. You don't get to wonder why they don't visit and why they shove you into an old people home and leave you to die. They're just returning the favor.
If there is sin, you're the archetype. If there is a hell, you bought
your ticket. Burn.
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