So my newsfeed on Facebook has been full of the phrase “dicks
out for Harambe” lately. I had to really do some research to make sure I
understood what getting your dick out had to do with the death of a gorilla. It
seemed to me that it was a bunch of sad, weird early twenty-somethings who
never got the chance to experiment, and at the risk of
sounding unnecessarily dark, it seems as though I was right, at least in my area.
The word dicks, in some other regions, is also slang for
guns, and that’s what the original meme was based around, but here in Indiana
you have a bunch of almost-closeted men who finally get a chance to have a gorilla-themed
show and tell party.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was pretty funny the first
five hundred times, just like the first 200 Rick Roll experiences. At this
point, though, I say drop the gorilla cover and just get it all out, all that awkward
basement circle jerk nonsense you never got to do. Figure yourself out. The
rest of us don’t need to see your sad penis party. No gorilla can save you from
yourself. Step out into the sun, where no one needs to make tasteless jokes
about a dead animal to rub penises with a stranger. It’s called Grindr, or if
you’re nasty enough, it’s called a public restroom.
You’re welcome, Bud. Have at it. Dicks out for your confused
little sexuality. That's all.
