I want to open this by saying that I have a lot of good
things happening right now. I have a lot going for me. I have an apartment that
I love, a job that I look forward to, I have my minivan back, I have a
reasonable amount of financial padding, and a lot of really good friends. I
have no logical reason to feel the way that I feel. There, that’s out of the
way, and you’re welcome.
Now, let’s get this emofest over with. I’m reconsidering my
decision to take next semester off. I think I have a math class and a capstone
course left to take before I complete my completely useless General Studies
associates degree. I started this degree in my twenties and it’s taken me about
a thousand years and entirely too many credit hours to finally finish it, and I
just want it to be over with. I will then deal with the future: will I continue
school or skulk around and tell everyone I wasted my youth? Both seem equally
satisfying right now.
I am over frozen microwave dinners. I know this has nothing
to do with the last subject, but I am tired of eating this frozen sludge and
being told by people that I really should eat organic. I really should. I
should. I should eat organic, because it’s healthier. I really should, you
know, and it’s not that expensive. I should move to a better state, too, and
stop driving; it hurts the clouds.
Ugh. You guys, I think this is Portland working its magic
powers of depression. I’m visiting my hometown and I really just want to go
home. I’m glad I got to see my family and I’m about to get my hair colored
again and see my mom’s grave, but I don’t know how anyone lives in this town
without running out into the street and killing themselves from boredom. Maybe
I’m spoiled, what with Ball State campus a block away from my apartment, but it’s
no wonder people drink themselves to death in small towns.
I’m a cheery ball of cheer today. Hugs for everyone!
I feel so stuck that I want to scream until I feel better.
Life after 30 is comparable to a black hole. You don’t realize you’ve crossed
the event horizon until you realize all your roads lead to the same end.
Aren’t you glad you clicked on this blog? I bet I’m cheering
you up right now, what with my rays of sunshine. I bet these sunshine rays are
so hot, you could cook your dinner with them.
Fucking microwave dinners. I am so over being me. Put me in
my van and send me off a cliff.
